i don't like sucking hair
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
