My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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