just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You took a bar mat shot.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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