for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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