blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize