She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
