On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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