He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize