He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
