Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
