You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you will always have a special place in my vag
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
