We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
