I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
