It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
