If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
