i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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