Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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