woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
