He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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