Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
