Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
