I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Someone came in the potted fern
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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