got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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