Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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