What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
