we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
