All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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