so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
