im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
