Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Fuck me I smell like cheese
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
