you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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