There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
