He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize