you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
