I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
