I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
