I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my shit smells like andre
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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