sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize