There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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