It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
