this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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