i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Everyone says I win the strip club
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
