I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
