lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
