Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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