Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize