And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize