we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
