Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Be still, my beating vagina.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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