I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
