My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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