Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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