I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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