He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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