Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have fence marks all over my body
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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