yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
