You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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