my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize