i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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