just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What a dumb baby whore.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize