i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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