capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize