That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
