I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
